- Meeting New People - Wednesday, May 14, 2008 HOLA! well today im just bored for the most part so this is something im not used to! lol, i would just call my boyfriend when i got bored and went to hang out with him, so its really hard not to be able to do tht...well i got into an argument with my EX yesterday and he ended up calling me tht night and i think we made a little peace...i told him tht i was going to move on and tht he should too, and maybe we could be friends...i told him tht i respected him so much even thru all we had been thru and tht i loved him and would always have some sort of love for him...i told him tht i wished him all the best in his life and i told him tht i hope he found someone tht he loved unconditionally and somebody he wanted to share his life with...its sooo hard tho because i think and there is no one else tht i would rather be with...i havent seen him in 7 days...and its been the hardest week in my life! i wish i could tell him how im feeling but i dnt want us to get back together, because in a sense i feel its for the best, but i do feel like i'd want us to get back together if he realized how much he needed to change and came back for me...not tht he is lonely so he wants to be around, not tht he feels sorry for me, and not for this child tht he wants to be with me...i want it to be for nothing else other than he loves me and he is ready to change! but im trying to think positive! im going out tonite with my friends and hopefully i meet someone really nice, and funny, and good to talk 2...and who knows maybe find somebody to talk 2 and keep me company thru this next 6 months! lol...wish me luck ppl!

posted by E.Kaye @ 3:43 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Slowly But Surely... - Tuesday, May 13, 2008 Hey! well i talked to my ex-boyfriend today for the 1st time in a week, and he completely went off on me...AGAIN! but i held my ground and stayed strong and i asked him to keep pictures...and videos tht we made together private and not to show people or do anything disrespectful with them...i told him "i did tht stuff out of love for you and our relationship" and i just asked him to respect tht...well him being the little 24 year old child tht he is...he basically told me tht if i took him to court for child support he would post everything on the internet! and then had the NERVE to ask me for a paternity test! i couldnt believe it! its crazy how you think you know somebody...i just cant believe him...because i would never do tht to him! well today i got a ray of sunshine in my life...for the 1st time i felt strong enuff to move on! i called my friends and planned a girls night out tomorrow and i got a call from a very nice guy today! yes...a guy, and i know im somewhat on the rebound but i couldnt help myself...i set something up with him for sunday...and im just trying to find my strength for my unborn baby...and move on...and it is really hard after being torn down SO MUCH, im in so much pain because i thought he loved me! but through this heartache im GOING to find my strength...because i know im strong, and i dnt get how i opened my heart and arms so much for someone like him! but i do have a lot of strong support from friends and family...and even ppl i work with so thts good! and i just try to think about my child...because thts what makes me happy!

posted by E.Kaye @ 5:50 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Pregnant & Alone - Monday, May 12, 2008 Ok...So about 4 days ago me and my boyfriend officially broke up...and even tho i kno i deserve better and I kno I can do better, i love him so much and...this is a big one...im pregnant by him! ugh! why me? let me tell u the story tho...me and him werent doing anything to prevent a pregnancy AT ALL other than praying to god is just didnt get pregnant...i kno...really dumb....but we made a mistake...well actually according to him, i made the mistake because i didnt get the abortion, which he claims i swore to him i would...which i didnt...but anyways we got over the situation and even tho our relationship suffered a little bit me and him still stayed together and even tho we argued A LOT, i felt like things would work out...well on our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY we went to disneyland...had a beautiful day but it all went south tht night! he got mad at me an hr b4 we left disneyland...and for what reason i honestly dont know, but he got mad...well i was taking him home and we stopped at the light and his stepdad pulled up behind us...well he turned to me and said im going to ride home with my stepdad...he got out at the light and slammed my door before getting in with his stepdad...well here is where it got even worse...i flipped him off, just because i felt like after such a beautiful day, where i paid for EVERYTHING (including our 70 dollard tickets), he was just SO ungrateful...and it really hurt my feelings...well he called me and i wouldnt answer...and he called again and again, well i finally answered and he got on the phone saying he hated me and tht im a "nigger bitch", im black...he's mex./black...lol, well i didnt really know weather to be offended or not care considering he is half black...but i couldnt help but to get offended, because number 1 he doesnt LOOK black at all, and the context he was using it was completely "Racist", well i happened to see him on my way home and i stopped and said oh is tht really how you feel, im a nigger? and he started going off on me and came up to my car and slapped me! yes...slapped me...and i was so shocked all i could do was hold my face, but then i got really angry and started cussing him out...well he preceeded to try to break the window out of my car...well i threatened him tht basically my brother was going to kick his ass, well i asked him..."why dont u slap my brother?" instead of slapping an EFFIN girl! c'mon buddy! well he got mad at the semi threat and pulled the rear view mirror out of my car! OMG...WTF, i was pissed and hurt, so his stepdad ended up coming and picking him up...well i got out and argued with him and his stepdad and he stepdad actually said something to me tht stuck, he said "ERIKA, WHY DO U PUT UP WITH IT?" well i basically made a huge deal and told my boyfriend tht i was going to mess with his cars because he wanted to damage my car, and me and his mom dont get along...so i told him HEY CALL UR MOM AND TELL THT BITCH IM COMING TO F*CK UR SH*T UP, so i drove past his house...not thinking his mom would be outside and she put her hands up to me like she wanted to fight me or something, so i called him and CUSSED HIM OUT, calling his mom all kinds of bitches and hoes, and calling her out...even tho thts not my character, i was soooo tired of being disrespected by her and him and i blew up, which i knew was wrong on my part but i felt like honestly...if he can disrespect me like tht why cant i do the same to him? and everything i said i did mean it and i felt it so i said it...i know! 2 wrongs dnt make a right! but it sure made me feel better! well @ least for tht time! well later i called his mom directly...cussed her out to her face...well over the phone, but then we started talking and she learned tht i was pregnant during the argument and her whole attitude changed! she started saying how she wanted to be apart of the child's life and how much she loves her son, so she is going to love the baby unconditionally...psh! lol, i was still hurt so i just told her WHATEVER and i just told her to make sure her son takes care of his responsibilities since she wants to be in his business so much! and she basically said OK and for me to take care of myself! well i later called my boyfriend back and told him (after i calmed down), tht we just needed to leave each other alone for good, because we are unhealthy and he is so resistant to change and i couldnt deal with it! well now its been almost 5 days since i've spoke to him, the longest i've ever gone! and i am going thru it! being pregnant and all...i dont know why but i want things to work! i want everything to go back to how it was! im so hurt, and im heartbroken without him, even tho i know its for the best because he doesnt WANT to change...i cant help but want him back...over the past year we've spent SO MUCH time together...we practically lived together up until like 9 months of being together! i just want him back so bad, and even tho i havent attempted t0 call him...i am going to...after i give him a little more time, because if we dnt get back together i want to at least be friends with him, for the sake of the baby...and im just so upset because its so hard to be pregnant and single...and im only 3 months and im not showing at all so its not like everybody knows, but it just sucks to be alone and for someone tht i thought loved me to treat me tht way...i just cant get over the fact tht im still in love with him and i cant get over this! well i know i can...but i wont if i keep holding on without closure! this really sucks!

posted by E.Kaye @ 4:29 PM [[ 0 comments ]]