- ...Doing Fine... - Wednesday, July 30, 2008 Well me and my boyfriend are doing good...other than the fact tht i feel like i have to compete with his friends for his time! why?!?! its like this week he spent friday and saturday with his friends sunday w/ me...AND HIS FRIENDS...monday w/ me & HIS FRIENDS...and yesterday tuesday he didnt see me at all he spent the whole day with his friends, so i basically called him yesterday and was going off on him telling him tht he is gay and tht he always wants to be with his friends but yet i have to practically FORCE him to spend time with me...and im like WTF kind of shit is tht to where i have to talk shit to him for him to want to spend time with me...telling me "oh well fine i wont see sam tomorrow" like are u fucking kidding me...ur tellin me oh well fine i wont see him tomorrow, like thts ur bitch or somethin! so i was pissed off yesterday, going off on him, because FUCK THT, i am your girlfriend and ur baby's mom and i have to FORCE u to see me but u can run and be w/ ur friends w/out a friggin question...and then they blow u up all day like a bitch! so i cant wait until he spends time with me, im going to tell him off for every little thing, and im gonna tell him tht im not gonna compete with his friends! there should be NO competition there! so we'll see how everything goes...but im NOT having it...not at all, but other than tht gary has been ok...he always finds a reason to get a fucked up attitude with me and to be mean to me, but other than tht he's been cool...we'll see tho, because im not putting up with it anymore, and he's not gonna see his friends for a LONG time if i have anything to do with it...fuck tht, i just keep thinking over and over about how he said fine then i wont see sam tomorrow! UGH! it pisses me off...its bad enuff tht he hasnt spent the nite with me in a long ass time, and now on top of everything he is making me feel like his friends and his weed is more important than me! oh and his mom is in the hospital, and i gotta say even tho i dnt wish negative on her...other than her own fuckin karma tht i hope comes around to her, i do have to say tht it feels good for her to be outta my way! this has been a great week!

posted by E.Kaye @ 9:06 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- It's like SOOOO official! - Thursday, July 17, 2008 So basically its like super official...we are no longer together and i dnt have plans to EVER be back in a relationship with tht boy...im DONE! like i went over there today to talk to him and his moms all outside tryna be in our conversation...like what the fuck, ur a grown ass woman why the hell are u outside all in our business...and we basically came to the conclusion tht we need to be done and he needs to just focus on taking care of his kid...as soon as the baby is born im taking his ass to court so he can get court ordered child support and hopefully they give him enuff visitation so he can see his child, but im done, i want nothing more to do with him! im over it...so im going on and im prepared to go alone, and hopefully he finds somebody tht he loves, and someone thts gonna deal with his whore of a mother! like seriously cuz im not going 2! so...this is it...u wont hear me on here saying tht im gonna call him or anything cuz im not, im gonna do me, get a better job, have my baby, get my own apartment, and get back in school, FUCK HIM!

posted by E.Kaye @ 8:15 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Wierdness! - Wednesday, July 16, 2008 Well i called him last nite, like a million times! ugh! i even cried on his voicemail and told him how much i missed him and how i was going thru soooo much, well he didnt answer, but i know he called me twice @ my job and just hung up the phone...i think he was calling to see if i was there...well i called him when i got off wrk at about 5 o'clock and he ANSWERED! and i said can we talk and he said, hey im kinda busy can i call u back? and i said sure, so i called him like an hr later, because my friend wanted me to go with her to get her tattoo, well he didnt answer! so i've been calling him ever since...im just getting sooo upset because im like did u not know tht it was me on the phone or what?!?! why would u tell me u were going to call me back but then not answer the phone when i called u?!?! well actually he picked up once and then hung it up automatically! its like what?! did u think i was a different girl!? i just dont know what to do, and im stressing out rite now and tearing up rite now...i want to drive past his house soooo bad just to at least see if he's at home...im really struggling rite now...but for the most part i had a great day, because i thought tht was him calling, so yea! but i just really want him to hug me rite now and kiss me rite now! its sooo wierd, because im thinking in my head the only way tht he would fully just cut me off is if there is another girl involved and tht is a huge fear for me! ugh!

posted by E.Kaye @ 8:53 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- What I Really Want! - Tuesday, July 15, 2008 For some reason when me and my bf break up like this im usually, really upset and bored, and taking things hard, but for some reason im not taking it tht hard...and its been almost 6 days since i've talked to him...the longest i've gone is 7 days with us being mad at each other, and the longer time we've been away from each other the more i just want to hug and kiss him, i want him to hold me, and call me a bunch a day to see what im doing! lol, i get over him and im like whatever, but then i see couples together and i see movies about couples and im like i miss my lovebug! (thts what i call him)...and then i think about all the good times we've had together...and i told myself tht i was not going to call him anymore but then i start making plans to call him a nite! which is when im really lonely...lol, i know i said i wasnt but i want to give it one more shot, even tho i feel much better when i dont call him then when i do and he doesnt want to talk to me...i've felt this way before tho, like he just wants to be done with me but then it seems like he always eventually comes around...but i dnt know this time feels like the real deal, probably because im taking it so easy! i dont know, but i really do think im gonna call him tonite at like 9:42pm (i know wierd time) and see if he want to talk...dude i really need to get laid!!!! LOL, and im not gonna just go out and have sex with a stranger, i want his hands on me, and his lips on me! not ANYONE elses! so we'll see, im almost sure tht he wont talk to me, just because he's been doing so good ignoring me...but i want him so bad, so i will get on here tomorrow and update u on what goes on...im sure it'll be nothing because i really dnt think he'll answer deep down inside, but im praying he does and im praying he meets me, because i honestly know tht if i could get him to come over or to meet me somewhere, or even get him to just give me a chance and talk to me! i kno i can get him to realize somethings and tht maybe we'll make up! so wish me luck...i'll be calling him in a couple hours and i hope he gives me the time! it soooo sucks tho because he should be begging me for my time...considering all the bullshit he said to me, but i know he's too stubborn to come around...and 2 stubborn ppl is not good, so im gonna bite the bullet this time!

posted by E.Kaye @ 7:18 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- No Luck! - Monday, July 14, 2008 Ok, so i basically called the boyfriend last nite off my house phone, well he didnt answer, but he called back like 2 min. later and ask who it was...well i said erika, and before i could get any other words out, he hung up on me! so i called him rite back, and he didnt answer...well i left him a message saying tht i really wanted to talk to him and tht he should give me a call back when he got the message...well i knew he wouldnt call back...so i figured he was out...i ended up going to my job, which is past his house, so i drove past and i saw tht he was there...probably asleep because his car was there and his light was off...well he didnt call back, i called him this morning...for the LAST TIME (i promise) and just asked him if he was going to still help me paint the baby's room and help me buy his crib set! and i also told him tht if he wasnt gonna have nothin to do with the baby tht he needed to let me know tht, so i can just leave him alone and get prepared to just do it myself! because honestly i would die for my son, and kill for my son, and do whatever is NECESSARY to protect my son...and if he wants to be a lame excuse, i would be more than happy and willing to just stay away from him...me and my baby, so yep, tht was the last time i talked to him, and i just really need to do me and let nature play its course, because i honestly feel like whatever is suposed to happen is gonna happen! and i am more than content with just bein a family with me and my little boy...his name is probably gonna be Cayden Anthony...anthony is my baby's dads middle name but i mite change it to Cayden Jeffery...because jeffery is or was (r.i.p) my father's name...and to be honest he was more of a man then my baby's father COULD EVER BE so, we'll see what the future holds for me...but im not gonna push it...imma let him kno like the song "u just do u, imma do me" sh*t!

posted by E.Kaye @ 7:42 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Same Ol' Same Ol' - Sunday, July 13, 2008 Well we made up tht night, i ended up calling him and he came over! well the 10th @ 4 am, we got into another huge arguement! He invited me into his house tht morning, and he told me to wait by the garage, well his mom was coming out and she was saying "what the f*ck is erika still doin here" and all i could think is dont go the fuck off! dont do it erika, hold it in!! well i did but when i got into his room i told him like, dude u mite want me to leave because if i hear her saying anything imma f*ck her up, well he starts telling me shut up and blah blah blah, well i was pissed, not at him AT ALL, but at the situation, because 1st of all im never over there, secondly HE invited me there, 3rd why should i have to hear her bullshit comments?!?! if thts the case DONT INVITE ME THERE! am i right or am i right?!?! so i had a little attitude, but he cant blame me for my mood being turned upside down! well we got into it and i told him tht i wanted to leave, so on his way letting me out he was like f*ck u, and dont call me no more, and yadda yadda, so i said are u kidding me?!? ur telling me some sh*t like tht and ur mom is the one tht was talking shit?! so i called him a mommas boy, well it all went down hill from there, he started callin me a nigger and a bitch, saying i was a whore, and im like, dude u really dont wanna talk about whores! lol, if im a whore what the fuck is ur mom?!?! well he started throwing me around and pushing me, he threw my phone down the street and started taking my keys and throwing those down the street, he started talking shit about my personal life, like what my family went thru when i was younger...saying stuff like thts why my dad died and tht im dirty, and just a bunch of shit tht i would never say to him, i would never get tht personal in an arguement! like are u kidding me, i have enemies tht wouldnt say half of the stuff he said to me! well its been a few days since i talked to him, and im gonna try to call him tonite to see if he wants to tlk about everything...dude we are having a kid together, and im not gonna try to get back with him...i dnt think...but im gonna see if he wants to be friends and try to work it out for the baby, and im also gonna talk to him about the stuff he said to me tht morning! like seriously, i trusted him enuff to tell him stuff tht i've never told anyone and for him to throw it all into my face is crazy, like my biggest fear came true, and i thought he loved me more than to do tht, like really! but i guess i put to high of standards on him, and its crazy because he could do ANYTHING to me and i feel like i'd want to work it out! im crying so much rite now, because im wondering how i got so stupid!!! why me?!?! i thought i was stronger then this...but i see im just a weak little girl!

posted by E.Kaye @ 3:19 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Its been a while... - Tuesday, July 8, 2008 Well i didnt end up writing again after may 14th, 2008! lol, probably because tht night on my way to the club he called me and wanted to meet with me! UGH! and me like a stupid dropped my friend off and ran to him like a little puppy! well we made up tht night and have been pretty much close ever since...he's been trying to be involved with me and the baby!...im 5 months now! it was perfect, we would argue but we would get over it and move on...he was working on his temper and he was changing a little bit! spending nights, helping me decide the baby's name! he even gave me a ring on the 4th of july! a promise ring...promising to love me and the baby unconditonally, to take care of his baby no matter what, and to be faithful! i was so excited! it was a very beautiful ring! i couldnt take my eyes of it! and we got into an arguement yesterday...well he took the ring back! and i broke up with him because he always thinks he's right and im wrong, he also puts everything on me and its just ridiculous, but as im writing i dnt want it to be over...just because we were doing sooooo good, and now look! we are not even together! its like going from the 10th floor to the basement w/out going thru the other levels...and thts why its pissing me off...there was no downfall! it was just like BOOM! but im frustrated because i cant get thru to him and i cant get my way! not @ all! its like WTF! can i ever be right?! not even tht, but can u ever be wrong?!?! so im torn rite now as im writing this, and i think im gonna call him and make stuff rite...im sooo weak, man! i can never be strong enuff to just stick to how i feel and not get all sentimental! ugh! i hate the fact tht im tht way! but then again i cant stay mad @ ppl to save my friggin' life! and thts just how i am! i think the only way tht im gonna WANT to leave gary is if i find out he's cheating on me! thts totally the only way! or if he doesnt treat our son like he's suposed to! well i will try to update tomorrow...hopefully! lol ::xoxo::

posted by E.Kaye @ 6:34 PM [[ 1 comments ]]