- Hurt Feelings - Thursday, September 18, 2008 So im basically feeling like shit today! I feel like im not good enuff because im black! thts pretty much how im feeling in a nutshell, and let me tell u why! Ok, well 1st of all im almost 8 months pregnant rite now, well yesterday me and my bf were out with his friends, i put gas in my car and drove him and his friends all the way to another city 2 buy weed, payed for the weed, drove all the way back, bought blunts so he could smoke the weed and then while he smoked we just hung out, well he called his friend tht moved to North Carolina 2 see how he was doing and his friends girlfriend picked up the phone, well gary was talking to her and having a normal conversation, then all of a sudden he gets up and walks behind me, and turns the volume down on the phone, then walks away...and my 1st thought is why are u turning down the phone now, u were having a normal conversation with her a second ago, why all of a sudden is ur conversation private?!?!? so the 1st thing im thinking is, he doesnt want her to say something tht he doesnt want me to hear...which i was rite, but i didnt hear him responding to her in any wierd way so i assumed tht it was something sexual...which it turned out to not be...it turned out tht she was asking him about his baby, and telling him he had a baby with a "nigger"...well even tho i didnt know she said tht at the time, tht would have been the last thing i thought she would say because i figured if she would say something like tht he woulda responded w/ dont call my girl tht, or something...ANYTHING defending me, but either way i got mad and i was standing there being quiet and he starts telling his friends...totally humiliating me...dont ever have kids, i feel like im married, blah blah blah, im gonna put on the back of my car dont be a tool, and just basically standing there disrespecting me saying tht he pretty much wishes we werent having a baby together...which makes me feel like shit, so then i start going off on him, because i felt like i tried to be quiet for long enuff, and i started saying im not a punk gary ur not gonna sit here and talk shit to me to ur friends and disrespect me like im not even there, and he starts bringing up oh i wish i was having a baby by a white girl, and white girls shut up, and why did i have to get stuck w/ you and saying all this shit in front of his friends, just totally embarresing me! i couldnt even believe it! i was soooo mad! because i LOVE HIM so much and i would never EVER disrespect him like tht, and i would never say the shit he said to me! so now i feel sick to my stomach...and he still doesnt see how he is soooo wrong...i feel so bad about myself, i feel like i wish i never got pregnant by him because im black, i feel sorry for our kid because his dad...is not a bitch, but has some BITCH ASS qualitys and cant even defend us...because in my eyes if he is letting somebody call me a nigger then he is letting them call our baby a nigger! i've never felt so low, i've never felt so bad about myself, to where i wish i was something else, or to where i wish i'd never met him, i've always had confidence in my life and always felt like i was the best i could be but i cant lie, i feel like shit! i feel like im not good enuff for him, i feel like i want to just let him go do his thing so tht he can be with a white girl as hard as i try and as much as i do, it just breaks my heart tht somebody who is suposed to LOVE me is constantly telling me how im not good enuff, and for him to say what he said last nite...i've never heard him say "why couldnt i have gotten stuck w/ a white girl!" it makes me feel like taking my baby and just running away and never coming back! but i would never do tht to my son! and i just pray every day tht his dad is 10 times better to him then he his 2 me!

posted by E.Kaye @ 9:53 AM 0 Comments: Post a Comment << Home